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To call or not to call?
Hi, I have a question that is not too complicated and I would like to have some feedback on it.
There is someone I should call. To make it clear-it is in no way for romantic purposes (he's married anyway), but for study/work issues. I know this person would be good know so I called him a couple of times trying to arrange a meeting with him. He's always very nice but it's never "the right time" and "can you call next week again". My question is whether I should keep trying, or if after 3-4 times when he says “call me next week” it actually means that he doesn't want to meet. I personally don't think so, as I believe that he is the kind of person who likes to be called and sought after- and that is exactly my problem with him. I don't like to take part in this game which aims at making him feel sought after and making me feel like the seeker. It is maybe (probably) false pride on my part, but I find it psychologically disturbing and am weighing the pro and cons in dropping/keeping this game up. Where you ever in a similar situation?
I suspect your analysis is right. I think if someone wants you to go away, they are generally vague ("I'm really busy now, this is not a great time") whereas if they are more specific ("call me after next Tuesday") it is probably legitimate, but they are either disorganized or very busy or psychologically complex as you describe. I would continue trying for a little bit if you do want to meet him, but know that this annoying characteristic of his will probably not go away in the future.

However, it sounds like just calling won't work, or at least won't work immediately. I would suggest getting out of the game by manufacturing some time-dependent invitation. Perhaps a mutual friend can invite you to a dinner party? Perhaps there is some work-related event (a conference, a talk...) happening that you know he would be interested in, so you can suggest going together? You say it's for "work/study," surely then you have lots of deadlines. Perhaps you can call to ask his advice before a specific upcoming deadline, and this will force his hand a little.

Good luck.

In response to Solveig Wright
Thanks Solveig for the excellent suggestions. I appreciate it very much and will try them.
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Latest Post: March 14, 2011 at 6:12 PM
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