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The Living Room Relationships You don't have to ask...
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You don't have to ask...
What is the reason so many women are disappointed in relationships?
One answer is given by the mythology of this brilliant and fascinating commercial. Catherine Deneuve is astonishing, I think. Do you still find it powerful?
Do we still believe her last words?

Wow! What a commercial.

The first thing this commercial reminded me of was Antonia's story in presents. Women will try to hint you do something but not say it explicitly, starting from asking them out. They will hint they want you to, but they won't say it themselves (see  flirting). Sometimes, as in the presents story, they won't buy things themselves. And then throughtout the relationship, "If I need to tell you, then..." with the infamous silent treatment as a popular tool.

I think it comes from a place of passivity women accept. Not saying, not asking, things happen to them. Letting them remain in passivity is how you prove your love.
Women feel that explaining themselves is like demeaning themselves. Like they are forced into hard labor.

Men on the other hand accept the place of action, of wooing, or otherwise you're a woos. You can't ask if you can kiss her as you should know - if you have to ask... then the answer is no. What's so strange is how this situation lingers. It doesn't only linger through the relationship, it also lingers through the century. Why are we still like this at this day and age? The commercial seems dated, but the psychology isn't.
I'm afraid I have to disagree with your reasoning John.  
You say that women will try to hint you to do something, but not say it explicitly.  Ignoring the whole 'who-asks-whom-out' question, once you are in a relationship you expect that the person is emotionally and intellectually involved with you.  You expect that if you are smitten and paying attention to the person you are with, they should return the feeling and action.  So if I notice that my significant other mentions something about how much he wants to see a particular movie or play, I try to plan an outing around that, or if he wants a particular video game, I'll try to remember to fit it into our budget (now that we are on the same budget).  In a similar token, I expect him to pay attention to what I say, and remember what my values are, and take them into consideration when he's planning on buying something for me or taking me out.

Of course, in France they say, 'there is the lover who kisses the hand, and the lover who's hand gets kissed'.  Meaning that, there is (almost always) an inbalance in a relationship, whether big or small.  When you don't notice hints or clues that a woman is giving you about her needs and desires, she believes you aren't paying attention to her.  Naturally, she assumes she is 'the one who is kissing the hand', since she is paying attention to you.  Thus, she gets upset.

The commercial appeals to women who want to be in the 'perfect' relationship - one where she is being paid attention to and fawned over.  To women, that's what love is and means.  Hopefully she's not a bitch and wants love without loving in return...that's always a rough position to be on the other side of.  Of course, I've been with some guys like that...

However, I completely agree about the whole kissing and asking out thing.  That's all about pheromones.  Completely barbaric :-)  The psychology is timeless, because human hormones are pretty consistent, at least evolutionarily speaking.
Would someone please tell me what her last words are?  For some reason, the video is not being displayed...  Thanks!
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Latest Post: January 1, 2011 at 9:25 PM
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